A close shave

I have discovered that you don't have to be in the Middle East to be shot at.

I had planned to spend today at the beach with Frieda and Massimo but I awoke this morning feeling a little under the weather, so I decided to stay home and do things around the house.

Sanmaracena, my houseboy, came earllier than usual this morning, around eight-thirty, and after conversing with him briefly and putting in order some things on my desk, I decided to venture out into the city and do some small errands and leave the house in his trusted hands.

It was early and the breezes were cool on my face. I decided to sit down in Piazza Navona for a moment and gather my thoughts as to what direction I should head off to first, while gazing at the piazza in its majesty of beautiful early morning light. I felt at one with the world and in control.

After a short while, I decided that it was time to make a move. Standing up and getting my bearings I realized that it might not be a bad idea if I had a caffè at the bar on the corner, the Domiziano, and also make a quick bathroom stop.

I turned and headed towards the bar when I noticed a number of policemen gathering infront. All, however, seemed calm and normal. A squad car had also just pulled up without the sirens whailing and I could hear one of the officers from inside the car call out to his colleques that he had just received an important message to be on the alert.

This did not strick me as unusual, for Rome is crawling with policemen and squad cars in this area for
we are only a block away from the Italian Senate. A definate structure to be guarded! What I had forgotten, however, was that an armed and dangerous killer was loose in the city. He had killed a policeman a few days earlier and the cities police were in "red alert". It never dawned on me. Dumb,
dumb me!

Entering the bar, I decided that it might be a good idea if I made the bathroom stop first. Down the winding steps I went in search of the bathroom stalls in the basement and the little old lady with the golden key who curtiously smiles at you while handing you toilet paper in hopes of getting a nice tip when you leave.

I was about to enter a stall when I heard a rush of scouring feet come rushing down the stairwell. I thought that that was rather unusual and paused for a moment. Perhaps, someone really had to get to the bathroom fast!

Suddenly, I hear an agressive and excited voice scream in a loud voice to the older woman "Is there anyone here with you"? In good faith, she said "Yes, someone has just gone in" (meaning me!).

This was not usual, and luckily I was quick enough to realize that "something was up"!

As the bathrooms are around a corner, they could not see me and I could not see them. I could only hear that there was a grand commotion going on around the corner. Time froze. It seemed like an eternity until I heard that same brusk voice scream loudly "Don't move. Put up your hands and don't reach for anything"! Believe you me, I had no intention of even blinking an eyelid!

The voice then said for me to move forward very slowly. My heart was pounding. I had no idea what I was going to encounter around that corner. I could see, however, the face of the old lady, who looked as if she were going to faint. I knew that whatever it was that was waiting for me, it sure as hell wasn't Santa Claus!

I reflected for a moment and told myself that this was the decisive moment. The final act was about to be played, but no one had let me read the final script. I realized that any false move on my part could possibly entice someone to become very trigger happy.

Thoughts of Al Capone and the St.Valentine's Day Massacre flashed through my mind. I could see my body riddled with bullets lying in a pool of blood. Oh God, I said to myself, how in the hell did I get myself into this one? Why didn't I go for a quiet day at the beach with Frieda and Massimo?

I, very slowly, edged my way around the corner. As soon as I was in their sight, a plain clothes officer frantically jabbed a gun to my head repeating "Don't Move, Don't Move" while five other policemen aimed their pistols at me and were ready to shoot on command!

The moment was alive with a strange electricity! One false move on anyones part and it was all over. My whole life flashed in front of me. I realized that nothing in the whole wide world mattered except this moment! It was quickly going to be decided whether I lived or died.

They immediately put down their arms when the plain clothesman said "Wrong Man"!

I had never heard such sweet words. They then rushed back up the stairwell as quickly as they had come and disappeard without saying as much as....sorry bud, we got the wrong man! What bad manners, I thought!

I and the little old lady looked at each other completely stupified. There was a long moment of silence. We realized again what could have transpired. It was frightening. It was as if we had just withnessed a scene from some third class police film, only we were the actors and nobody was play acting.

The little old lady rushed to the wash basin and began throwing cold water on her face while screaming what idiots the police are. She asked me if I'd like to join her and splash some water on myself too.

I told her that I had a better idea. I invited her to the bar upstairs for something to drink. She accepted while continuing to mutter what idiots the police are!

Coming out of the dungeon below, the whole bar, in curious excitement, began to scream "they are
alive, they are still alive"! I silently thought to myself, what assholes! The owner rushed up to us and
offered us anything we wanted. The little old lady and I looked at each other as she, in a very gracious voice said, two double scotchs on the rocks please!

We sipped our drinks in silence, as the bar quieted down, each passing through their mind the scene
that had just been lived.

Afterwhich, a little shaken, I tottled off to do my morning errands.